Random musing

Today, as I was folding many pairs of male underwear, I had the following thoughts:

I have seen four different penises (peni?) today. I was peed on by a male hamster. I watched the same male hamster hump his brother hamster.

I wonder if in a previous life I was a raging male-hating lesbian and so in this life my lesson is to make peace with the penis? If so, I would like to pat myself on the back and acknowledge that I am doing very well.

Today's thought

This morning I was thinking about how I want the food stuff to be easy. I wish I didn't have the cravings for cookies and cake and warm baked goods.

But I realized that it is not likely easy for anyone. For some, there is genetics. For many, though, eating healthy and exercising is a lot of hard work. Why should I be excused from that?

3 weeks later

Looking for a place to raise my children that is liberal, progressive, relatively sunny and warm, values learning (but not test scores), values the importance of play (not the importance of being the "best" player).

Today I am feeling DONE with the Bay Area and all the money and the competitiveness and the kids already in the rat race.

I want a nice back yard and a cul de saq where the kids can run around.

I want my husband to have a job where he doesn't have to work 24-7.

I want to live in a place where no one even knows what the hottest "it" bag is.

Lately I've just been feeling like all I want is to exhale.

Hi again

Hello Friends.

I'm happy to say that I've been doing really well. I added exercise into my routine - kick ass hill walking - and have been doing a great job with veggies and portion control. It feels good.

I heard someone once say that when your eating is in control it opens the door to the rest of your life being in control and I have to say that is true in my experience. I'm more focused, more able to get things done. I'm not thinking about food every moment of every day. It's nice.

Not that it's all good. I'm hungry much of the time. Not outrageously hungry but never quite full either.

I've come to realize that I'm not really an emotional eater. I don't eat about sadness or anger or even joy. But I eat for comfort. Eating, to me, gives me that "snuggled up on the couch under a cozy blanket in front of the fire while reading a good book" feeling. And in thinking about the foods I most love, the foods I really miss, it's all comfort feel.

I heard some food recently described as having a good "mouth feel" and that is really what I look for in food. Creamy, warm, soft. Not necessarily sweet. I've said here in the past that I could give up wine or alcohol or candy or red meat in a heart beat. I could never eat another crunchy food (chips, etc) and feel 100% fine about it. But the way a cookie or a hot latte or a pancake or piece of coffee cake feels in my mouth. Mmmmmm. That is what it's all about for me.

I think that's an important part of the journey - realizing what the triggers are, what you are looking for in food and figuring out how to manage those things in your life.

Speaking of - the warm blanket and good book calls me.

Bump

I hit a bump in the road yesterday. I reaalllllly wanted to munch on some comfort food. Luckily my neighbor-friend talked me down from the ledge with a lowcal ice cream treat that hit the spot. (BTW, it is a great thing when you have a neighbor you can call in the middle of the day and have them babysit you until the craving is gone.)

Even though the treat hit the spot, I was still had the munchies all day. I started heading down the all too familiar path of negative self-talk. "You'll never be able to do this. Even if you don't eat today you will sooner or later. Might as well give up now." But I was able to turn it around. I didn't have a perfect eating day. I was a scavenger, eating leftover pasta and crackers from my kids' plates.

But the victory is that I didn't let a little blip turn into a huge thing.

And my mantra is "progress" not "perfection."

Green Tea

I have been convinced by the evidence that several cups of green tea a day is a gift for your body - between the antioxidants and the boost it gives to a healthy metabolism....

But, damn, if green tea is so good for us why did God make it taste and look so disgusting?

It looks and tastes like dirty dish water to me.

Day 2

I had another good eating day today. I missed on the 8 glasses of liquids. That is just me forgetting b/c I actually have no problems drinking that much water. But I did stay within my points limit and I tracked everything I ate. Go me.

The gross thing is that I am doing frozen weight watchers dinners which are pretty disgusting. But desperate times call for desperate measures.

I had coffee with a friend today. She has also had her share of food issues. It felt really, really good to connect with someone who gets it.

Game On

I am leaving in 6 weeks for Southern California. It is likely that I may have to be in a bathing suit. It is for sure that I will be in family photos. I avoided the camera completely this Christmas and don't want to do that again. It felt awful.

So, I have 6 weeks to get my ass in gear.

I am 9 lbs heavier than my normal weight which is 8 lbs heavier than what I consider to be my healthy weight.

This means I would like to lose 17 lbs. That puts me smack in the middle of what doctors would consider a healthy weight for my height.

Certainly I am not going to try to lose 17 lbs in 6 weeks. But I am going to aim for 2 lbs a week. That will mean 6 perfect weeks of eating and exercising. And even with that, 2 lbs per week may not happen. But I'm going to aim for it.

Today was a perfect eating day. Well, I could always eat more veggies and drink more water, but other than that, it was a great day. Healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner. Only bad thing is that I'm freaking hungry! :)

My goals for this week are:

1) Stay within the Weight Watchers points goals for my weight (ie, 20 pts per day)

2) Drink 8 glasses of water/tea a day

3) Track everything I eat