After I got the boys all tucked in tonight, I went over to Gertrude's* to hang out. Her husband is away for, like, the thousandth week in a row and it was good for me to get out of my cocoon at 1171.
I arrived right in the middle of her daughter's nighttime ritual of avoiding going to sleep. Gertrude and I were sitting on the couch, trying to commiserate about life, while listening to little Heloise* come up with any possible excuse to get her mommy back in her room:
"Mommy, I need to go pee pee."
"Mommy, I need to go poo poo."
"Mommy, I need my binkies."
"Mommy, my blanky fell."
"Mommy, my bed is wet."
"Mommy, I'm not a big girl, I'm a baby. I need you to rock me."
Sometimes, I think as a Mom of three boys, I have heard it all. But I can assure you, I have never heard this one in the dark of night:
"Mommy, my ba-gina hurts."
*Names have been changed to protect privacy. "Gertrude" is an internet privacy freak. But she doesn't just give out false names and addresses when asked by clerks for bio data (like I do). Instead she launches into a lecture about privacy and security and confidentiality to the poor clerks who are only doing what their bosses tell them to do. If I am with her at the store, I try to slink quietly away before her friendly but firm tirades begin.
But I figure since she asked me to give her an alias, I would give her and her daughter the silliest aliases I could come up with. Gertrude and Heloise fit the bill.