May I just say that most of you are lucky that you do not live near me because all day yesterday I talked about my journey to fabulous and I'm sure it got old quickly.
Instead of cleaning the house in the morning while Ben was at preschool like I normally do, I planned to go to the nail spa to get a mani-pedi. I convinced Alyssa to join me at the mall that night where I was going in search of all things fabulous. I told Aaron, if it's fabulous, I'm getting it. A new bag, new clothes, new makeup - whatever it takes.
Sometimes, however, life has a way of intruding on your plans.
I have a grand total of one hour 15 minutes while Ben is at school. I knew I'd be cutting it close but figured that I could just make it to the nail spa and back if everything went well. Of course things did not go "well." There was road construction and I hit every red light. I decided that if I got to the salon by 9:15, I would have enough time for my plan. I arrived at 9:16. And wouldn't you know, they don't open until 10am. Sigh.
No worries, I thought to myself. I still have my trip to the mall this evening to look forward to. I have a 20% off coupon for J Crew and a 30% off coupon for Gap. The stars are aligned.
The boys went to bed without a fight and Aaron got home on time so I was off to the mall. Do you know that despite giving myself emotional and financial carte blanche to treat myself to new goodies I could not find one thing I wanted? Not one thing. I tried but I just wasn't feeling the love. Sigh again.
I was irritated. But at the same time I was amused. Because very clearly the universe was teaching me that being fabulous is not something that can be purchased. You can't buy fabulous. Fabulous is what you are. Fabulous is the way you are born. To find fabulous, you have to look inside.
(Still, it wouldn't hurt to have a fabulous bag to go along with my fabulous self. I'm just saying.)
With a little encouragement (thanks MER) I have started meditating again. My meditation is something between saying please, saying thank you, listening, and trying to be silent. I have joined a group that does it on Wednesday mornings. Once I brought Ben and he silently did stickers and once my friend (thanks JTD) took him so I could have the hour to myself.
Yesterday was great because we spent the first half hour talking about how we meditate, what we hope to achieve, different ways to meditate. And then we moved into silence. We were in a warm, cozy room and I was sitting right next to the crackling fireplace. Perfection.
But as I moved into that quiet place, I was beyond irritated because one of the catchy songs from High School Musical was playing over and over and over in my mind. At first I tried to be gentle with it, as you are supposed to do with these kinds of thoughts when you are meditating. Then I got annoyed. Then, I started listening to it.
"I want fabulous
That is my simple request
All things fabulous
Bigger and better and best
I need something inspiring to help me get along
I need a little fabulous - is that so wrong?"
As I went about my day, the song kept coming back into my mind. Finally, after the boys went to bed, I had one of those light bulb moments. "Hey! This is about ME! I need a little fabulous!! I want to be fabulous!"
I mean, look, I know I'm already fabulous exactly as I am, blah blah blah. And I surely know being fabulous isn't about being or having bigger, better, best as the song says. But the truth is, I haven't felt fabulous in ages. Have I ever felt fabulous?
(Wow, I've got a lot of italics going for one blog post.)
I have to explore what this means. Is it about presentation? Is it about a hobby? A skill? I don't know what it is, but I want to FEEEEL it.
I just wanted to apologize to you. I am sure you think that I broke up with you without so much as the courtesy to tell you about it. It's not that I've broken up with you, it's just that, well.... I'm cheating on you. I admit it. I'm cheating on you with Facebook.
My friends started joining Facebook a year ago but I resisted. I received numerous invitations to join but I turned them all down. The big problem for me was that you couldn't stalk people anonymously. The best you can do on facebook is see if someone is a member or not and then see a teeny, tiny profile picture of them. Big whoop. If I'm going to join, I want scoop. To really see what someone is up to, they have to "friend" you. But once you are friends the anonymity is gone. In other words, they know you are stalking them. Where is the fun in that?
But early this fall, Meegs finally convinced me. I joined, slowly, cautiously. But within days people were coming out of the woodworks. I found high school and college friends. High school and college friends found me. It was perfect. I loooovvvved it. I loved seeing photos and hearing what they were up to and sharing photos of my beloved crew of boys.
Soon enough though, what was once cool started to become a bit, well, awkward. What do you do when someone finds you and friends you but you don't want to become friends with them? Do you ignore them? Do you say no? What to do??? And then, what happens when ex-boyfriends and girlfriends show up on Facebook? Do you friend them? Do you wait for them to friend you first? (I say it all depends on who broke up with whom. The breaker upper has to friend the broken upee.) Ahhh, yes, my once fun pastime has turned me into a 6th grader again, not wanting to friend someone first, hoping that old flames are now fat and unhappy, hoping the cool kids friend you.
So I do apologize for not being more attentive to this blog. Facebook will, in time, grow old. And I will be back. I hope you will still have me.