Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Never talk sex, money, or politics

Ever since Aaron and I started dating seriously (about a month after we met) we sort of combined our finances.  Aaron was a student and I was working so most of the money came from my side.  When we married, we combined our finances completely (both money coming in and our substantial school loan debt).  It seemed very romantic at the time.  We were taking care of each other.  

When I stopped working outside the home (when our first child was born), I had absolutely no difficulty with the fact that I was no longer contributing financially to the family.  It was immediately clear to both Aaron and me that I was working harder than either of us had ever worked before but NOT getting paid for it.  

So that is how we looked at it.  We both had jobs.  They were both equally important.  The paycheck Aaron brought home reflected both of our jobs.  That may sound hokey but we have never once had even one ounce of financial stress between us (we've had financial stress together, but never pitting us against each other).

Every so often I'd hear a friend say something like, "Oh, my husband would never let me buy that" or "I have to hide this so my husband doesn't see that I bought this."  It always struck me as strange and sad.  Aaron and I have always been on the same financial team.  

But last week I was in a car accident.  It was ruled the other driver's fault but the fact remains that it is going to cost us over $1000 to take care of deductibles, etc.  And while it was the other driver's fault, I still feel like if I was really, really paying closer attention I could have avoided it.  I don't know if that is technically true or not, but that's how I feel.

The past few days I have really been feeling down about the fact that the accident is so clearly in the "withdrawal" column of our family's balance sheet and I am not adding anything to the "deposit" column. Even though I made the withdrawal by being in the accident.   I think I am feeling it so much because for that $1000 we get zero benefit.  It's just the cost of being at the wrong place at the wrong time.  Also, we've been really, really trying to hammer away at our school loans, to get them paid off once and for all.  And so that money from the car accident is  taken directly from paying off the loan.  

Hmmm.... I'm not sure exactly where I'm going with this.  It's not as though I feel like I don't contribute to our family, it's just that this is the first time I feel like I've so blatantly been a $$ suck.

I think I am tired and just need a good night's sleep.  

1 comment:

mel said...

I don't think you are a money suck. You are doing such a great job raising your boys and doing everything at home. It's not money wasted. Everything happens for a reason. Let's see. It is a reminder about how precious life is and that it could all change any minute. It's a reminder that even though we all worry about money, in fact we are blessed as evidenced by having 1k to pay the bill. It's a reminder that Aaron is a gem for valuing what you do at home. That's a lot of value for 1k.